Let My Light Shine

 

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Quote by George Saunders / Photo credit: Angie Thier (my sister:)

As I stood there listening to the words of my soon to be husband, with slight tears forming in my eyes thinking about how my life was about to change in so many ways.. Good ways, but so much change.  My husband to be, said something that will always be engrained in me.  He vowed that he would be there to ‘Let my Light Shine’.

Two years later, I’m reflecting back to those words, thinking about what I want that light to be.  Where am I headed, where do I belong, what am I doing?  So many questions.  How do I let that light out when I’m bogged down by the day to day, full time work and full time mommy hood, and full time wife hood, and all the other hoods.

Truly, I think it all boils down to one question that over and over comes into my mind.. What is my purpose?  Whew.. that’s a big one! Continue reading

“I Miss My Daddy”

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There are so many moments that Teddy and I look at each other and know how blessed we are to have the family we have now, and that is always what we ultimately look to. But sometimes it’s hard. Raising our girls to the best we can control in our own home and environment, and then letting them go to another parent, that we know loves them, but we can’t control what they are going to do, or feel, or learn while they’re away from us.

The words “I miss my daddy”, might mean something different for so many people.  For me they are words that I dread and yet am happy my 3 and a half year old daughter speaks.  The other day she said those words “I miss my daddy” while sitting at the table to eat her lunch.  After consoling her a bit, I realize she doesn’t think she’s going to see him for a long time.  For her daddy is the guy she goes and sees every now and then, that she seems to have fun with, and then she comes back home to her mommy family with me and Teddy and her eight year old ‘sissy'(if sissy isn’t staying with her other mom).  

It’s a hard conversation trying to comfort my child when she misses her daddy.  And trying to be the most positive Continue reading

Summer Kale Slaw With Avocado Dressing

IMG_9336I was inspired by one of my friends to post some of my healthier cleaner eating recipes.  Now.. let me just say, I am not a super healthy clean eater.. I just ate Taco Bell yesterday!  It’s my fast food weakness.. and my husband just went out of town so I thought I could get away with it without regretting it later:/

Anyway.. I am all about eating less processed foods rather than buying all the pre made packaged things on the shelfs at the grocery.  And for me, summertime makes it so much easier to eat fresh, with all the yummy Continue reading

Happiness In The Chaos

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The entire family at our wedding! Amazing that we got everyone in this photo!

Talk about a whirlwind!  In the past three months I have gotten engaged, planned a beautiful farm wedding, gotten married, rented out my house, moved and merged our new family into Teddy’s house, rented out his house, moved into our new house, and now ending my job at the end of the month because it’s going out of business.

Man.. just typing all that makes me feel better about how crazy I’ve been.  I’d love to say that I’ve been the perfect example Continue reading

My New Story

My story is one of a growing girl that finds her way through some winding paths, falls into a valley, comes to a cliff that she must take courage, strength, and endurance to climb above, and in the midst of that climbing has her world changed through family, friends, and love.

Let me start with where my life is now.. I’m a mom to my oh so sweet and strong willed 3 1/2 year old Liza, a newly wed to my amazing, knight and shining armor Teddy, and step mom to my super awesome 8 year old Lillie. We are in the middle of it all with moving in together, buying a new home just to move it all again, and figuring out how to blend our two families into one. And even with the overload of all of this, we are loving every minute of this blessed life we get to share together now as a family.

Taking a step back .. let me give you a short view into my past. From a very young age I have been a believer in God, and a woman of faith. But during my first marriage I let that passion and faith be pulled away from me, and after 13 years of what I thought was a happily secure marriage my life was shaken. I was 4 months pregnant when I realized the vows he had made to me so long ago were being broken. After fighting with dignity and everything I could to save my marriage, my sweet Liza Francine was born and 1 month later divorce was underway. My only hope was to turn to God and to my family.

I mean, talk about amazing family.. my parents parked their RV in my driveway for almost a year and a half when Liza was born to care for her (and me) while I went back to work with all my crazy retail hours. You know that saying that ‘God can turn a mess into something beautiful’.. well he did that with me. About a year after all the mess, I was able to quit my job, and rely on God’s provisions, thankfully provided to me through some amazing people and family that loved me and wanted to bless Liza and me, with some precious time while she was a baby. Part of this involved one of my sisters moving to Nashville with her family to start a farm and take me in under their roof while I processed and tried to recoup from it all.

As time passed on the farm, I grew a lot in knowing myself better in spirit, mind, and body. I know that sounds kind of cliche.. but it’s true. And when God knew I was ready, and only God knew, cause I had no idea it was coming.. God placed a man in my life. We met and began our, what seemed like, teenage romance.. seriously.. every time his name showed up on my phone I would get the most quirky little smile on my face. Navigating through a new dating relationship with us both having daughters of our own was not the easiest, I started a new job as well, started Liza in daycare, and moved out of the farm. But luckily he and I both knew what each was going through, and it wasn’t long before I fell in love with him and his amazing daughter.

I’m so thankful for that cliff God put in my way.. and really all the paths i’ve had to wind through. I know there are so many others out there facing these cliffs as well. My writing has always been my therapy.. but my hope through this blog is to somehow form a community to allow women to know that there are others going through the same challenges. Whether single, married, mom, step mom, single mom.. I hope to provide encouragement along with fun and laughs along the way.wedding-11

Thankful

November of course is a time of changing weather, cozy decor, good food, and gathering with the ones closest to us.  With thanksgiving coming up — so quickly the time sneaks up on us, doesn’t it?– I and I’m sure so many others begin to reflect on what to be thankful for.  I was looking back through my journal and came across this quote that I had written down, and it once again spoke to me and reminded me to be proud of who I am today and to not look back in regret of what life has thrown my way, but to embrace it and be thankful in every aspect of who it has made me today.

To be grateful for the good things that happen in our lives is easy, but to be grateful for all of our lives – the good as well as the bad, the moments of sorrow, the successes as well as the failures, the rewards as well as the rejections – that requires hard spiritual work.

Still, we are only grateful people when we say thank you to all that has brought us to the present moment.  As long as we keep dividing our lives between events and people we would like to remember and those we would rather forget, we cannot claim the fulness of our being as a gift of God to be grateful for. 

Let’s not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see in it the guiding hand of a loving God.

–Henri Nouwen

In the commotion of my daily living as a single mom, living on the farm, and pursuing my dreams, I tend to get caught up in the whirlwind that I’m in right now.  And as much as it would be easy to go back to the life I had, and in the moment thought was good, I reflect now and see how even more amazing God new it could be for me.  I am so thankful for what I have now, even though people may think I’m crazy for living with my sister and brother n law and four kids, starting a farm and having dreams and visions of what my life will be.  My past has brought me to where I am today and I will not regret!  Wow.. that kinda feels amazing to say out loud:)

I encourage you in where you are now in life to reflect.. where would you be without the challenges and  turmoil in your life.. would you be the same person you are today??  I know I would not have the most amazing gift of my daughter Liza..  I would not have this precious time to spend as an Aunt and sister in this full house.. I would not have the strength in my faith, and identity, and becoming a woman I am proud of my daughter looking up to. . I would not know the depths of my friendships or my family and how important they are to me.

I am thankful.. I am so thankful for it all.. period!

Why Am I So Exhausted?!

I worked my butt off when I was working full time in retail.  Got up super early to get myself ready and Liza ready, ran around like crazy at work, listened and solved problems all day, changed the whole store around, and then came home smiled, got down on the floor, played with Liza, put her to bed (if she wasn’t already asleep if I was working late), wake up in the middle of the night to her needing a feeding or just crying, and then wake up early to start it all over again.  I was exhausted during that time.. but now, I feel like I’m even more exhausted now that I’m a stay at home mom.  Shouldn’t I be more rested now? Have more energy?   Nope!    EXHAUSTED!

Who knew just being a mom was so hard?!  Well, the problem is, like so many of us know, is the just in that statement is hardly just!  No matter if you are a working mom, stay at home mom, single mom, married mom.. it is so hard being a mom.  And of course, it is worth it but sometimes Continue reading

Busy on the Farm

The farm is starting to feel more and more like an actual farm now.. its so exciting!!  It’s been two months now since the move but it seems like it’s been longer.. and I think it looks like it has too.

Let me introduce you to all the newbies on the farm!!

Our new Nigerian Dwarf goats! They are so fun and sweet.  Rosie is hopefully pregnant and due sometime in winter.  Daisy has been a mommy before and when we got her the owner had never milked her but a couple days after getting her home the poor things utters were so swollen and so we researched how to milk a goat and.. we milked a goat!! Fun experience and the milk tasted amazing.. no goatiness like you normally taste in the store bought stuff!  She’s officially dried up now but so excited for after her and Rosie have babies to be getting fresh goats milk all the time!  And Baby Girl is so cute.. the original owner did not get to spend much time with her so she’s a little skidish around us but she’s slowly warming up to us the more we are around her.

 

And here’s Tommy!! We were originally not planning on getting a buck because they can be pretty hard to keep in a fence, but after getting the does we wanted to be able to breed them without having to take them somewhere so when Tommy came up on craigslist Mitsi jumped on the opportunity.  He’s a Nubian Dwarf Nigerian cross.. which means he will produce offspring that are smaller like nigerians but have heavier milk supply like Nubians. We’ll see what happens.  The first morning after having him he broke down the fence we had him to separate him from the does.  Paul started putting up an electric fence to keep him in, but he seems to be doing fine for now just being with the does.. he just needs his ladies around him I guess:)

 

And we have many, many new chickens.  We have the 12 older chickens that we got shortly after moving and then we have 15 egg layer chicks that are really like teeny boppers now.. you can see one of them in the pick below with Rosie.  They’re really fun and Liza loves to play with them.  And then we have 15 other teeny bopper chicks that we are trying not to get too attached to because they will be dinner soon.. poor things:(  And then we just got another 25 baby chicks.. so fluffy!

 

And we finally got the back field bush hogged.. so now we can get to work on tilling and getting ready for spring planting!!

This has been such an adventure already and it’s only been two months! What do you think will come next?! Your guess is as good as mine.. can’t wait!!

Healthy But Not, Apple Blueberry Muffins

So yummy!!

I mean, lets face it.. there is really no healthy muffin that tastes really good, at least not without giving it a taste handicap because it is healthy for you, right?!  So this is my version of a healthy muffin but really its not that healthy.. however they are amazingly good, and you can kindof feel a little guilt free since they have carrots, apples and blueberries in them, and a little less sugar than your typical muffin.  These are great for an on the go breakfast or snack that will keep you going for awhile and my favorite is to enjoy it with a cup of coffee.  But I also love these as a great gift to bring to new mommies.. we all know how hungry new mommies get while taking care of and feeding their newborns, and these are the perfect snack to keep her going and to conquer that sweet tooth as well.. especially after that middle of the night baby feeding when you are starving but have no energy what so ever to pull something together.  Try it.. and you tell me if its too good to be healthy or not?! Continue reading

Ambushed Chickens

Who knew that moving was so hard?! Oh yea.. everyone knows!

We’ve been on the farm for almost a month now and still trying to settle in..  but there’s so much stuff!! Between Mitsi’s and my kitchen additions we have double and some triple of every kitchen appliance and gadget you could ever want.. although I’m sure we will still find a way to buy new gadgets.  But so so much stuff.. it seems like we will never get through the madness of boxes.  But, all is gong well with the merging of everyone and everything.  However, not so much for the chickens though..

IMG_2756The morning after moving in was a sad, sad day. I step out the back door on my way to take the dogs for a walk around the property and I hear chickens scuffling and squaking, and I look pass the trees to see whats happening and I see a black dog chasing the chickens. I run faster than I have run in a long time and as I get there the dog has her teeth in one of the chickens.. I charge through the fence yelling and clapping my hands and finally get to the dog and throw myself at her, my hands pushing her neck down to the ground. I drag her by the neck out of the fence and then scare her off through the front of the property. I run back to the chickens.. Continue reading