I worked my butt off when I was working full time in retail. Got up super early to get myself ready and Liza ready, ran around like crazy at work, listened and solved problems all day, changed the whole store around, and then came home smiled, got down on the floor, played with Liza, put her to bed (if she wasn’t already asleep if I was working late), wake up in the middle of the night to her needing a feeding or just crying, and then wake up early to start it all over again. I was exhausted during that time.. but now, I feel like I’m even more exhausted now that I’m a stay at home mom. Shouldn’t I be more rested now? Have more energy? Nope! EXHAUSTED!
Who knew just being a mom was so hard?! Well, the problem is, like so many of us know, is the just in that statement is hardly just! No matter if you are a working mom, stay at home mom, single mom, married mom.. it is so hard being a mom. And of course, it is worth it but sometimes you just gotta vent it out, right?!
I mean.. At least when I was working with adults I could step away and not worry they were going to find their way to a toilet to play in, hopefully;) And at least they can communicate with me and not just stand at my feet whining and crying with nothing to please them or run every time I ask them to come here.. well, maybe that happens at work too. And Liza is an average size for her age but she is dense (for some reason dense.. equalling heavy kids runs in my family) and so it is truly a workout trying to pick her up and carry her up and down steps and around the house. My body is wiped out by the end of the day! But then I think about when I was working and the lack of sleep and stress of not being at home with her, and not to see all those moments that make motherhood so worth it, and missing so many bedtime stories and bath times. Maybe the working mom side of me was more emotionally tired and the home mom is more physically tiring.. or really they are both, both of those things! I guess, I had this expectation when I was making the decision to stay at home, that I would have so much more time and energy to do things, and have so much more quality time spent with Liza. But that expectation is down the toilet! I’m so tired by the time she goes down for her nap that I just want to take a nap, or watch tv, instead of doing the things I need to be doing like studying and cleaning and writing.. so then when she wakes up I have to catch up with all the dishes or laundry or making lunch and snacks and dinner, or whatever and then I’m constantly pushing her to go play on her own and then I never actually spend that quality time with her that I so want to have, and then the day is over and she’s asleep and again I’m so tired that all I want is my own time to drink a beer and watch tv, instead of doing things I need to do! Sorry.. was that just a really long run on rant?!
And then I tell myself that I’m going to start waking up earlier, before Liza wakes, so I can have a moment in the morning to have a quiet time and then get a few chores done.. and then I do get up earlier and guess who else is up early with me?! How does she know?? Three days in a row she woke early when I would.. and then I decided to forget it and just wake up when she does and then she sleeps in like normal.. How does she know?!
I have no real point that I’m trying to get at here, and I wish I could turn this into a step by step program for all of us to be better and more efficient stay at home moms, but I got nothin for ya! I’m just continuing to go with the flow and hope that every once and awhile I get it right.
Every moment I get to spend with my sweet Liza is such a blessing though.. I don’t want anyone to think I am complaining about being a stay at home mom, because it is truly the best gift I have ever been given, but I just felt the need to vent a little and maybe to also let all the mommy’s out there know that they are not the only one’s that are exhausted.. whether you are working or not, it is a hard job being Mommy. Just know that the next time you see your fellow mothers, they might just need a pat on the back and for someone to say “keep going girl.. you’re doing a great job!”
So thankful to have these moments…